Many business deals are sealed with business meals. Unfortunately, most executives have not had the luxury of attending finishing school. However, they are expected to handle the dining room as well as they handle the boardroom.
Think about these tips on modern table manners for your next business meal.
1. Topics of conversation: These business meals are not scheduled because the host thinks you are hungry. Ask yourself what is in this for the host and for yourself. Build the relationship. Make it about the client or your guest. What is happening in that person’s industry? Research the meal companion beforehand. Ask intelligent questions. Remember, it is not about you, your deals and your clients. Avoid controversial topics of conversation. Etiquette is about ensuring other people are comfortable in your presence.
2. Host duties: The host of the meal is responsible for the details of the meal, including the invitation, directions and confirmation of the time and place, menu suggestions and bill payment. If you are on a job interview, do not attempt to pay the check. Interviewers are using this tactic to test candidates. Etiquette and logic confirm that this is a host and interviewer responsibility.
3. Seating: Wait for the host to decide where guests are going to be seated. If you sit down, you may be placed in the awkward position of being asked to stand up again if the left-handed, hearing impaired or disabled guest is going to be seated where you just unthinkingly plopped yourself down. Remember to enter and exit the chair from the right side of the chair. When you arrive at the table, look to the host and smile expectantly.
4. Napkins: After the host places the napkin in his or her lap, unfold your napkin under the table and place it in your lap. The fold is placed at your tummy, with the open edges facing the table. If you must excuse yourself briefly, say “please excuse me,” place your napkin on the seat of the chair and push the chair under the table. At the end of the meal, after the host has placed the napkin loosely folded on the left side of his or her place setting, you may also place your napkin in this position. Do not refold your napkin.
5. Table map: It is important to understand the layout of your place setting so you use your own plates and utensils. Starting from left to right, think BMW: bread, meat (main) and water. The bread plate on the far left above the forks, the main or meat plate in the middle and the water glass is on the right above the knives. If you think of this BMW acronym the next time you sit down at a complex place setting, you will avoid reaching for another executive’s glass or placing your roll on the host’s bread plate.
6. Condiments: The goal is to not to be asked to pass the bread or condiments. A good guest knows to pass items counterclockwise to the right before the items are requested. Do not use the condiment before it is passed; it is polite to wait for it to return. Be sure to pass the salt and pepper together, as they are a couple – even if only the pepper is requested. So pass the butter when the hot bread arrives, and pass the sliced lemons, sugar and sweetener the minute the iced tea is poured this summer.
7. Interruptions: Be sure all mobile devices are silent; “vibrate” is not good enough. Avoid placing a mobile device on the dining table, as this indicates that it has more importance than the conversation. If silverware is dropped on the floor during the meal, do not retrieve it; wait for the server to bring a clean utensil. If a foreign object or piece of gristle is caught in your teeth, excuse yourself and remove it in the restroom. If you cannot excuse yourself, place your right hand over your mouth, and use your left thumb and left index finger to remove the offending item. Place the item on your plate. Then use your fork to scoot the item unobtrusively under a piece of lettuce or herb on your plate. If you must cough or sneeze during the meal, be sure to turn your head to the left toward your left collar, and use your left hand to cover your mouth. We use our right hand to shake hands. If you must blow your nose, excuse yourself from the table. Avoid blowing your nose at the table, and avoid using your napkin to blow your nose.
8. Silent signals: The silent signal to indicate that the host is finished with the meal is when the host removes the napkin from his or her lap, folds it loosely and places it to the left of his or her place setting. This indicates to all present that the meal is coming to a close, and the check will be arriving or has been paid. Conversation should be deferred to the host. The silent service signal to the restaurant servers that you have finished your dish is communicated by placing your knife and fork in the “I am finished” position on your plate at 10:20 or 4 o’clock.
9. Thank you: A verbal thank you at the end of the meal is very appropriate. A handwritten thank-you note trumps a thank-you email every day of the week. Keep in mind that companies and firms pass your handwritten thank-you notes around internally. An email thank you is better than none at all, but a true professional writes a handwritten thank-you note on personalized stationery within 48 hours.
Even the best at business etiquette are sometimes challenged when it comes to professional dining. Distinguish yourself from the competition with these modern table manners, and you will be invited back – in dining and in business.
For more information on corporate and individual training, contact Sharon Schweitzer, J.D., Corporate Etiquette & International Protocol consultant and founder of Protocol & Etiquette Worldwide LLC, at 512-306-1845, 512-431-5355 or sharon@protocolww.com. You may also visit www.protocolww.com or www.facebook.com/protocolww, or find the company on Twitter (@austinprotocol).
