Keep the focus.
A friend of mine who is a senior–level manager for a largenational company tells his employees that they need to be "polite butbusy." This is a great mindset to employ while in the office. Not only doesit keep you focused and more productive at work, but it also cuts downon the opportunity for small talk and for your co–workers to drone onabout the things they wish their spouse or significant other would dodifferently. Some organizations clarify "appropriate" office communication,but most codes of conduct mention only potential legal headachessuch as sexual harassment and invasion of privacy. However, in today’sdiverse world, you also have to be very careful with casual conversation.Casually mentioning your religious beliefs or even your own health statuscan make another colleague feel uncomfortable. One of the best rulesof thumb: hold your poker hand close so you won’t show your cards!
Keep the focus.
Are you the one initiating the conversations? If so, think about theramifications of sharing personal information at work before you evenbegin to speak. It might help to set boundaries in your own mind as towho and or what you are willing to share at work. You may have oneor two confidants there who you really trust, but it is generally best tokeep personal details about yourself quiet. When you share details aboutyourself, you risk them spreading through the office and reaching thewrong ears, which could, in turn, negatively impact your future with thecompany. Have you ever played the game, "Telephone"? If so you willremember how the funny story you told changed dramatically after beingwhispered from one person to the next. Your personal details canundergo that same transformation, usually not for the better, and impactyour desirability to the company. The American Psychological Associationpublished a study about the "boomerang effects of gossip." It turnsout that when you are sharing gossip, for example “he’s a selfish, meanjerk” or “she is so bossy and rude,” your listener will often attribute suchqualities to you. Which is just one reason to keep your mouth closed!Gossip tends to emerge and fester in locations that feel informal, such asthe bathroom or the watercooler. To avoid this problem, workers shouldtreat every part of the office as business. Rule of thumb: always think beforeyou share!
Listen with Care.
It may seem obvious that you can control what you say and whereyou say it, but you can’t control what other people say, right? Not necessarily,says Lydia Ramsey, a consultant on office etiquette in Savannah,Ga., and author of Manners That Sell (Longfellow Press, 2000). "Whileit’s natural for employees to show interest in one another’slives," Ramsey says, "someone has to be courageous enoughto cut off a co–worker when warranted." If you find yourselfin a situation like that, your best bet is to steer the conversationback to work. If you’re asked a personal question, keepyour answers short and matter–of–fact – you do not have togive personal answers for every topic; instead, tactfully moveon to a new topic. Any reasonable person will not feel insultedbecause you refuse to answer, but instead will realizeyou don’t find it appropriate to be asked such questions in thework environment. But if the person does not take the hintand instead persists, at some point you will have to directlyaddress their questions by stating that you would rather notshare.
Resolve conflicts efficiently.
Even in the best of offices, conflict can sometimes occur, but if youhandle it appropriately, it doesn’t have to ruin the workplace environment.The most important thing to remember is if you have a problemwith a co–worker, address it directly and quickly. Paula Gamonal ofRavenwerks Business Etiquette advises, "Don’t ‘save up’ grievances until astatus report or performance review. Resolve them at the earliest possibleopportunity. People are more receptive to input on recent events (ratherthan ancient history) and by resolving it now, it has less time to grow intoa larger issue. It also keeps you up fewer nights. Talk to the offending persondirectly and privately. Always avoid email or even the phone. Personto–person conversation avoids a multitude of miscommunications. If aco–worker says something that offends or upsets you, take a deep breathand listen. You don’t have to respond immediately. My father used to alwayssay the best response in a situation like that is, "I’ll get right back toyou." Then, go home and think about the best way to resolve the issue. Butdon’t put off a resolution for too long, and definitely don’t talk to other coworkersabout the problem. Once you’ve had a chance to consider howyou want to approach the conflict, get back to the other person soon andtalk it out. If the situation cannot be resolved between the two of you, goto a member of management you trust and admire and ask for their help.Direct communication between all parties will help ensure a more positiveoutcome for everyone.
