“We will walk right through this [grief] together, not around it.”
That’s the stance Rick McGrath took for his family after his 4-year-old daughter, Marin, succumbed to a brain tumor in 2004. Also left to feel the loss were his wife, Lori, and three other children: Regan, 9, Liam, 7, and Kiernan, 2.
The family found the Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas (CBCST) and spent time in support groups for almost a year.
“Our family still talks of our experience there,” Lori said. “You could see the difference; our kids would be quiet on the ride to the center and then afterwards on the ride home, they would open up and tell us everything they did there. It was a release for them and so good for them to see other families who were grieving and know they were not alone.”
The McGraths made a conscious decision to work through their grief as a family. As Lori tells the story, Rick, who sadly had lost his older brother when he was just 5 years old and whose family never talked about it over the years, sat everyone down the day Marin died and decided they were going to face this issue head-on. Their experience with the CBCST and their continued commitment to open communication has made all the difference in the world for them.
“We tell our kids that ultimately, you have the choice to find joy and happiness in your life, and the joy we find surpasses our grief,” Rick said.
The CBCST is a non-profit group that is privately funded through donations from individuals, organizations and corporations. Since the center has offered counseling and different forms of therapy, such as art, journaling, drama and dance, in a small house off of West Craig in Monte Vista for more than a decade, the cozy, wood-floored home has helped thousands of toddlers, children, teens and families put the pieces of their lives back together after the loss of loved ones due to illness and even crime-related tragedies.
“It’s amazing how much love and healing has been shared in that house,” said Executive Director Tracy Gomez. “We’ve served children and families from all over the San Antonio region – not just the city. We offer therapy to clients in an 11-county area. We’ve had the opportunity to help people of all ages work through all sorts of trauma over the past 13 years.
“We served 807 children and their caregivers in 2009 – a 56 percent increase over the last two years – and we know that there are many more children who have lost family members or friends and are grieving. We expect to double or triple the enrollment in our programs over the next three to five years.”
With the demand for services increasing, the CBCST decided it was time to expand its operations. Because of space limitations at its Craig home, the center identified a new larger facility on West Olmos Drive and launched an ambitious $2.5 million capital campaign to remodel the building.
The campaign got a boost when Harvey Najim, a local businessman and philanthropist, made a large donation to the center and its next-door neighbor, Respite Care of San Antonio. That donation not only jump-started the CBCST’s drive for funds and helped it buy two properties on West Olmos Drive, but also allowed Respite Care the opportunity to expand by purchasing the old CBCST building.
“Harvey did not want either organization to turn away children [who] need our care because we didn’t have the space,” said Bert Pfeister, CEO and president of Respite Care. “Because of his generosity, we will have more space to help more families and children, and so will the CBCST. Now we have a place to house children in need of specialized services [who] are in protective custody of the state due to abuse or neglect.”
After closing on the dual buildings that border Olmos Park, the CBCST began knocking down part of one office building to make room for a new living room, backyard and 3,000-square-foot training center, then rehabilitating the second building to suit its administrative and therapy room needs. Then it was time again to reach out to the community for help with a massive beautification project.
“Our goal was to make sure the new facility still had the same ‘home-like’ feeling that the Craig house had,” Gomez said. “So many other centers that offer services like ours have such a formal feel, and we wanted to stay away from that. We want children and families to feel comfortable here, share meals here, bond here and heal here.
“If you look around, all our furniture is very warm and inviting. Our living room is just that: a living room – a place for families to be together. We wanted the new facility, even though it’s bigger, to still be a place of shared experiences and love.”
However, the beautification of the CBCST was no small task, and it required more than just a new living room set. That’s when Rackspace stepped up to the plate. Utilizing a crew of about 100 volunteers through its “Rack Gives Back” program, Rackspace began putting the final touches on the CBCST inside and out.
“We believe in what the center is doing and the services they are providing to the community,” said Bruce Knooihuizen, senior vice president and chief financial officer for Rackspace. “At our company, we have made a commitment to give back to the community, and helping the CBCST is just one way we can do our part.”
From painting murals on walls and refinishing furniture in art therapy rooms to planting lush landscaping and ensuring kiddos have a soft landing at the bottom of a newly installed slide, the army of “Rackers” took the center by storm; within hours, they transformed the blank canvas into a cozy, comfy environment for healing broken hearts.
“I’m so overjoyed at the results of the volunteers’ hard work,” Gomez said. “Here at CBCST, we depend so much on volunteers for things like this and for even our everyday functions. The community has never let us down.”
Take volunteers like Robert Villarreal, for example. Villarreal, a taxi driver, first discovered the center while helping a woman who lived near the Craig facility carry in her groceries. Two weeks later, his ex-wife, Deborah, and the mother of his daughter, Bella, died suddenly at the age of 32.
“I believe God put the center in front of me at that time for a reason,” Villarreal said. “At the time of her death, my daughter was 6 years old.”
Though Villarreal was very involved in Bella’s life, she lived with her mom. “In a matter of hours, her life was turned upside down,” he said. Bella moved in with her dad full-time and started at a new school. This added a new dimension to her grief as she faced a very different life.
The pair came to the CBCST in January 2006 and enrolled in a support group. Bella expressed her grief by writing in a journal and participating in art therapy programs. “[CBCST] helped me by discussing my feelings about my mom dying,” said Bella, now 10.
Villarreal was a bit slower to get involved. At times he was rendered speechless by his grief and his overwhelming concern for Bella. But in time, he shared his grief experience with the support group and the new challenges he faced as a single parent.
“I lost my grandmother when I was close to Bella’s age, and I was so angry and didn’t understand why other kids at school weren’t sad like I was,” Villarreal said. “I didn’t have a place like this to go to then. To now have these services to help both Bella and me work through our grief has been a Godsend.”
The two grew together in their understanding of grief and the process of healing. Today, they are still involved with the center. Bella continues to write journals about her mom and participates in activities at the center. Villarreal has become very close with the other families and describes the center as a place where you can feel “safe” to express your feelings. He is also president of the CBCST Alumni Association.
The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that by age 16, 20 percent (or 1 out of 5) of all children in the United States will experience the death of a parent. Other research shows that approximately 90 percent of all students will face the death of a relative or close friend before finishing high school.
And now, with this new home, which officially opened its doors to the public on June 25, there will always be a place and plenty of space for wounded hearts to be healed.
For more information regarding the CBCST, please visit www.CBCST.org.
